• Persisting in wearing an uncomfortable new pair of high-heeled shoes to work, even when they’re so uncomfortable that, after shakily descending my own front steps, I don’t bother walking to the coffee shop as per usual.
  • Skipping coffee on a day that requires any measure of extroversion.
  • Not eating lunch until 2 p.m.
  • Caffeine with dinner.

* Clearly the unabridged list is going to be my stand-up routine, when I finally brave an open-mic night. Or maybe a conceit I use for a sitcom pilot.

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