In the daily verbose on
8 March 2010 with no comments
I think about the most boring thing ever to read is a bunch of back and forth about fiction writing. Especially if the project isn’t moving quickly enough for a first draft to be passed around. And, yet, other than a bout of nausea this morning triggered by popping ColdEeze on an empty stomach – weathered like choppy waters – after drinking too much coffee in this lovely coffee shop last night and only getting two hours of sleep, it is pretty much all I’ve thought about today. I’ve been in a daze over it in the same way I get while driving sometimes, where I can’t quite remember how I got where I was.
Except, today being a weekday, there were a few moments where I was thinking, “How did I get that task done?”
Parachutes is piped in through the speaker over my head, and echoes of junior year of college are reverberating through me. This is a good tone to set.
There is a pivotal moment, in this story, that moves the rest of it along. Except, I’ve written it about ten ways and nothing sits right.
In the daily verbose on
7 March 2010 with no comments
The only day of the week Stephen wakes up earlier than I do is Sunday. Every fifteen minutes, starting around 8:30, I get an update on the time, until 10 a.m. rolls around. Many Sundays I throw something on and we roll into church before the welcome, sitting toward the back.
This morning, I buried my face into the pillow and said, “It’s intinction.” The first Sunday of each month the congregation files forward, takes bread, dips it into the cup, encircles the pews, holds hands, sings the doxology. First Sundays and special occasions. Two weeks ago, at Emily’s ordination, it was late enough in the day that I had enough of a voice to actually sing.
We were waiting on a call for brunch, so I lay in bed a little longer, and the call didn’t come. Stephen bristled at the lack of courtesy. For the most part, I was pretty happy to have the time to wander.
I am given to trusting too much in constructs. Sometimes an anchor isn’t holding us where we should be but is instead deadweight, leading us to unnecessarily strain against the current taking us where we should go.
The last six months – after breaking free from a few toxic situations, after refusing to be sucked back in – have been extremely eye-opening. Liberating, even. Things are not perfect but I am at peace more than I have ever been.
In Uncategorized on
13 September 2009 with 2 comments
I went on a business trip a week ago, and it plunged me into something of a quarterlife crisis/opportunity/epiphany. I’ve been making great progress on this novel – I’m about 25% on the wordcount I wanted for the first draft – but I pulled my head up and realized that I may have been so nose-to-the-grindstone out of great dissatisfaction with my life.
While I’ve divulged more in more private settings – more than anything, it made me realize that I was losing touch with the people I want to be in touch with, and too in touch with petty things and petty people.
I’m putting this out there – I need to overcome my phone phobia. I will be reaching out to people more. And I will be reshaping what I do with this space. And I’m done with people who have expectations for who I’m supposed to be.
If you want to be on the call list, let me know.